If you had asked me at the time to list 100 things this girl might do after she looked right at me, military salute would not have been on that list. I wasn’t immediately sure how to respond—it was quite comical and highly unexpected— but I had to think of something, because she stood her ground, continued her salute, and held me there with her gaze. I quickly fumbled my water bottle into the hand that was carrying my briefcase—freeing a hand—so I could do the only thing that would have been acceptable. I brought my free hand to my forehead and returned the salute. With that, she released her salute and dismissed me with a sharp little nod of her head, as if to say, “okay, you’ve been properly welcomed, now carry on.” She waited for me to move (I was dismissed, after all), so I returned her nod and made my way into the conference room to set up a command post. With that, she pulled her little charge with her on to their kindergarten class where, for this little girl, a day of adventures must be waiting.

Kindergartners have to spend most of their day just trying to figure out how to be people, because let’s face it, they haven’t been on the planet very long. I’ve been on the planet a long time, but occasionally the story of my day can still be told through a small moment of unexpected, refreshing joy provided by an incredibly little person.

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“I think he’s the president,” says one little man to the other. They both look my way and ponder what to do about it. “Go ask him,” says the other…

Direct download (pdf)

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First those three things.

1) I am most proud of the way that I have believed in people, invested in people and enabled so many others to do for themselves what I have been able to do for them. I am proud of my role as a mentor and a recognizer of talent, of my team building, and my focus on seeing the best and bringing out the best in others. I’ve worked hard to diminish my individual importance by cultivating the talent around me, nurturing the strengths inherent in others, and adding to abilities; thereby enabling others to understand and employ advanced therapeutic concepts and methods. As the centrality of my own importance decreased through these efforts, I gained tremendously in collective spirit across a vast network of independently thriving consultation teams. It is an incredibly elevating experience, witnessing the developing excellence of others and achieving one voice with so many on behalf of children in need of that voice.

2) I am also proud of the seminal creation of the Brain-Based Therapeutic Intervention Program for Children, which, for years, has provided the leading definition of “therapeutic classroom,” a more robust and a more efficacious alternative to the “behavior programs” from the 1970s, still widespread in most school districts today. The Brain-based therapeutic intervention program has helped schools stay years ahead of the child clinical field in methodology as well as in the depth of understanding of children’s behavioral health, especially children impacted by autism or by trauma.

3) So often, what I needed just didn’t exist, so I am also proud of the invention and creation of the New Frontiers therapeutic game, The Social Challenge Program, The Green Zone continuous feedback system, and Long Run (a therapeutic novel). I am also proud of the vast library of articles and intervention programs I created and made available on my own website. Thousands of people throughout the world utilize this free resource.

I am exceedingly proud of those three things, and much more, but well beyond all that, there is one aspect of my career that I appreciate above all else, and for that one thing I am the most fortunate person I know.

In my 30-year career as a consulting child psychologist I have had the privilege of vast opportunity—dozens of districts have entrusted me with some of their most challenging and perplexing cases—and throughout this journey I have had bestowed upon me extraordinary gifts in the multitude of talented people who have worked alongside me on consultation teams. My journey has been enriched beyond imagination by these incredible relationships, so many remarkable people, compassionate, creative, bright and insightful people, resilient, hard-working, child-focused people; people with unmatched diligence, people with a deep sense of purpose, and tremendous dedication to the well-being of children. These people inspired me in profound ways, to be intensely present, relentlessly compassionate and endlessly innovative. So, as much as I think that I saw the best and brought out the best in others, undoubtedly so many others have done the same for me.

I loved going to work—no matter what I had to face— because I got to be on the same team with these people, got to witness what they could create, got to be a part of their passion and their brilliance. These people, these dedicated, kind, caring, compassionate, warm-hearted people; they captured my heart and never let it go. They were my source of energy, my source of inspiration. This is why my career has been richly rewarding beyond anything I could have planned or ever imagined. For 30 years, that is what it has been like for me to go to work. I am eternally appreciative of the opportunity I’ve had to know these people, to work with these people, to travel with them—for a time—on the same path.

My relationships with these wonderful people and our unity of purpose as we achieved one voice on behalf of each child; that has been my greatest reward. I am what I am because of who we all are (Ubuntu, from South Africa) and for that I will be forever grateful. Much respect and deep appreciation.

Cue music: Israel Kamakawiwo’ole (“IZ”), Over The Rainbow.

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You get busy, you have a million things going on, and of course you have to have your sights set on what’s next, you have to know where you’re headed well before you get there. That makes perfect sense. But every now and then, don’t forget to look up, as advised in the following reflection.

Don’t Forget to Look Up

Don’t forget to look up. You might see an owl, a hawk, or something spectacular like an eagle in the treetop, or something magnificent, like the very top of a 200-foot-tall pine tree swaying and whispering in the wind, a tree that has been standing in that same spot for more than two centuries. You might see a purple and gold, orange and red, cloud-scalloped sunset sky. You might see a densely packed flock of birds, shape shifting, flying furiously as one, going together to someplace important in a manner that only they understand. You might see a cloudless sky, a deep azure blue dome that goes on forever and inspires you to dream. There is a grand, awe-inspiring life going on above you—always there, always going on—that might elevate your mood, connect you with magnificence, or certainly help you put the problems of the day in proper context.

Don’t forget to look to the side. There you will see your colleagues, your good friends, your brother, your sister, and your life partner. They’re helping you, working with you, laughing at your jokes, listening to your stories, listening for what matters to you, trying their best to understand what you think is important. They see you, they know you, they appreciate you. Cultivate your team, prioritize your relationships. The ride is richer and the bumps are softer. Look to your side and remember, you’re all on the journey together, so lean on each other when you need to, or even just when you want to.

Don’t forget to look down. You might see an old fallen tree, just a log now, a new home for bright green moss, the bottom surface merging itself with the soil of the forest floor; a tree that was just a seed hundreds of years ago, that probably grew to more than100 feet, stood tall for 200 years, then weakened and fell 50 years ago, and is now growing moss and fertilizing the ground around it for the next tiny seedling. You might see all of that if you look down. All that life, all those years, in that one spot where you stand. You might see a stone that’s been built into the base of a rock wall, a stone scraped and rutted from its travels through the ice age, but still reflecting the sun in tiny flecks of mineral, a stone that has seen a world that quite possibly no human being has ever seen, and now this very same stone is resting at your feet, holding other stones on its back, still standing guard, marking the perimeter of a field that has long since disappeared to become a forest. You might remember relatives, teachers, mentors, and other inspirational people that you no longer see. You might reflect on where you’ve been, who has helped you, who has inspired you, who and what came before you that gave you the opportunity you have now. We grow from the foundation that has been provided and we build something to enable others to do the same. Don’t forget to look down, it might be your dog or your cat reminding you of the lasting bond between you. It might be your child, someday, that you see looking up at you, looking right into your heart. Don’t forget to look down, feel humbled, fill yourself with appreciation and think about how you are adding to the foundation for all.

Don’t forget to look inside. Give yourself a break sometimes and appreciate the person you already are just as you embrace the person you are always trying to become. You are kind, sensitive, compassionate, warm-hearted, generous, patient, thoughtful, fair-minded and considerate. You are smart, funny, a good story teller, a good listener, a good problem solver. You are a good partner, a good teammate, a good friend, a treasured family member, and a responsible citizen of the world. You are resourceful, resilient and strong, which means every day can be full of promise. You struggle, you make mistakes, you say and do things you wished you hadn’t. You’re human. You’re a work in progress, we all are. You apologize, make amends, commit to do better the next time. You don’t give up. You’re not afraid of hard work and you know how to ask for help. Think about the people you admire, stories that inspire you. Remember to look inside, and at the end of the day, be proud of your own story.

Don’t forget to look behind you, into the longer shadow that you now cast. There you will see your parents. They are there to celebrate you, to marvel at your accomplishments, to share in your joy, to bask in your glory and pride. They know that your life is your own spotlight now, but they are there to cheer you on, to inspire you, to encourage you, to listen to your stories of mishap, amusement, adventure, and accomplishment. And they are there to help you up when you stumble. You can expect to be forever cared for. You can expect to be listened to with patience, appreciated, and treated with kindness and respect. Turn around whenever you need to, they are there when you might need someone to show you the way. They are there to lean on when you need a rest, when you need to unload a burden, when you need someone to help you think of what’s best. They are even there to carry you for part of the way if you need that. But have no doubt, they will always show up.

So, look ahead and watch where you’re going most of the time. Just ahead you might even see the moon laying down a pale orange path across the still and inky waters of the lake at night, but remember, every now and then, don’t forget to look up.

Love, Dad

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Also see:
Coping During Corona 19
Preparing Yourself to Return to School
Reflection on the Pandemic  

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Please also see:
Coping During Corona 19
Preparing Yourself to Return to School
Managing Pandemic Stress Toolkit
Teachers of the Pandemic

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The outer petals of the iris attract admiration and create quite a show, but if you look closer you can see that their inner petal beauty is even more impressive.

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
— Ralph Waldo Emerson

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A shaky old man in line in front of me at the grocery store tried to pay with his ATM card (it looked like an ATM card, but for all I know—and all he knew—it could have been his library card). He could barely figure out how …

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